I was recently confronted with the reality that my unresolved issues, baggage that I drug with me through life, actually impacted my ability to parent my children. I always wanted to be a mom. When God blessed me with children, I realized it was one of my greatest gifts. Although I gave my all to be the best mother I could be, the reality is, I was flawed. Mothering was based on my experiences being mothered, preconceived notions of what a mother should be, and unresolved issues relating to my life experiences. As I look back at how I raised my children and look at the problems my children currently face, I have to admit, some of their problems are because of me and my flaws. I’m not writing this to put myself down because I know I was the best mom I could be, based on who I was at the time. The reason I’m writing this is to say, even to myself, my ability to mother was significantly improved when I worked on myself.
I remember going to counseling for two years before leaving a toxic, unhealthy marriage. It was during those counseling sessions that I was able to begin working through issues in my life. I saw how my previous experiences influenced unhealthy decisions that impacted not only myself but also those I loved. It was after working through some of those realities that I became a better me. A better me meant a better mother, which benefited us all. I was able to love more openly, make better decisions, and act differently. Even today, as I interact with my now-adult children, we can have discussions that include mistakes I made as a parent. I willingly listen to their rendition of life during those times, taking into account who I was and my then mental state.
Self-care, mental and physical health are all so important. It affects both the individual and his/her relationships. Consider this, living your best life may mean doing the work on yourself to be free from the bondage of your past. It’s not easy but well worth the work. We owe it to ourselves, our children, and the generations to come. Healing is waiting for us all.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ~ Psalms 147:3
